In Love With

I love her, but lately she seems to hate me and I don't understand why.

I do everything for her. I treat her so much better than everyone else –

I could, I would, I can, I will, I do.

She told me once I'm the only best thing for her. She told me that in the beginning when nothing was right inside and outside her head.

You know how I found her? How I first met her? In her room with blood and tears on her wrists and a long story to tell.  I let her tell me everything till she stopped leaking and the only thing falling down her face was her black hair.

The same color as this thing in my chest, but I swore to her I would be good for her.

I promised her too many things that I could keep because I fell in love with her. I told her things would be okay because I was there and her time was almost up. She started smiling thereafter.

But now whenever I want to her kiss her, she dreads the contact. She never wants to see me. She never yells, but I love you! and doesn't want me to say it back to her.

I've done so much for her and now she doesn't want me.

Now I'm asking what did I do? What's changed? After so much time together, so many hours of telling her this is what's going to happen and holding her hand while she says I can't wait –

This is what she tells me:

I don't want to die anymore.

She's with him now and I'm just a forgotten section somewhere in her brain, a little speck on her soul. He's taken up all the space in her heart. He's so bright and good and hopeful and forward and determined and everything that is made of worth.

She's just another person that's left me for him again.

I used to be wanted so much.

Now everyone wants to live for as long as they can, as they're meant to.

No one wants to kill themselves anymore.